Beard Today, Moustache Tomorrow for Jose Bautista

If you’re a frequenter of this site, you have probably noticed my somewhat strange fascination with moustaches in the sport of baseball.

So you can understand my elation when Jose Bautista stepped into the batter’s box last night sporting a coiffed moustache that rivals some of the best in the business.

Several folks threw around a couple names when it come to moustache likenesses, so I scoured the internets in an attempt to find which moustache best reflected the new lip sweater on Jose Bautista.


First up is Borat: while Jose Bautista can be known for letting his coiffe get a little out of control, the sheer size of Borat’s moustache is about 2-3 times the size of Bautista’s. While Borat might say “very nice!”, I think it’s comparing apples and oranges in the moustache world.

Next we move onto another popular choice,  Freddie Mercury. Once again, the thickness and the girth of this stache far exceeds Bautista’s, with the only real similarity being the angle of curvature around the face.

Here’s everyone’s favourite general from Cloud City, Lando Calrissian. So far, this is the closest moustache to Jose Bautista’s as far as shape and size of his cookie duster are concerned. It’s just unfortunate that Bautista’s voice isn’t similar to that of the always smooth and sophisticated Billy Dee Williams.

Onto Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. Jose Bautista may not be an ambidextrous fencer, but I’ve always pictured him saying “I am Jose Antonio Bautista. I kill your inside fastballs. Now, prepare to die”.

Last but not least, there’s Vincent Price. I’ll be honest – I had no idea what Vincent Price looked like until Saturday Night Live started doing those sketches with Bill Hader. Price looks more like a Bond villan than anything, but his moustache is somewhat comparable to Bautista’s.

So what exactly am I trying to prove by this exercise? I’m not exactly sure. But whether it’s for his ability to hit inside fastballs or his ever-changing facial hair choices, Jose Bautista has been extremely exciting to watch this season.

Ian Hunter

Ian has been writing about the Toronto Blue Jays since 2007. He enjoyed the tail-end of the Roy Halladay era and vividly remembers the Alex Rodriguez "mine" incident. He'll also retell the story of Game 5 of the 2015 ALDS to his kids for the next 20 years.

13 thoughts on “Beard Today, Moustache Tomorrow for Jose Bautista

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Hahaha, I love how the screencap is from . Eff you, Rogers! And high five to that John guy for streaming.

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Excellent baseball analysis!

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Nicely done, Ian. I think everyone thought you'd get the biggest kick out of Bautista's stache last night.

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    It was an interesting night for facial hair, between that and Braden coming off like a radiation victim with that clumpy half-assed beard of his.

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    It was funny listening to the radio broadcast last night, Ashby and Howarth were having a hard time figuring out why Jose shaved his beard. They kept talking about not changing facial hair when you are on a roll like Bautista. But not once did they mention that he left the mustache! Well, not that I heard anyway…

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    LJ, actually the funny thing is I just took a picture of my TV with my digital camera.

    Matt, I know it's not the most in-depth baseball post, but after that game last night sometimes it's things like this that help us forget a bad game.

  • August 18, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    eyebleaf, I most definetely did! Unlike Lyle Overbay or Brandon Morrow, let's hope Jose keeps his stache for longer than a few days.

    Anon, not sure what was up with that. Everytime they zoomed in on Braden, it looked liked he had about 4-5 hairs that were longer than all the rest on his face.

    djaysM, I didn't hear the radio broadcast but I'll have to go back and listen to it. That seems like an odd thing for Jerry and Alan to mention since they're usually all about the game at hand.

    I hope Bautista's moustache isn't a slump-starter: he was 0 for 4 with 3 strikeouts last night.

  • August 18, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    "I am Jose Antonio Bautista. I kill your inside fastballs. Now, prepare to die"

    best line ever! i would wear this on a tshirt!!

  • August 18, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    I think it looks like Marvin Miller's 'stache.

  • August 18, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Anon, a great suggestion. I just might have to do a T-Shirt design for that one!

    Dex, nice find! Here's a link for everyone out there: Marvin Miller's stache

  • August 18, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    The actual stache reminds me of Deaner from Fubar. Part two showing at this years Toronto film festival…

  • August 18, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    Mattt, yes! Another great observation, I love that movie. Also had no idea they were doing a second Fubar – can't wait to see it!

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