Seinfeld Jays: The Blue Jays as Seinfeld Characters
A few weeks ago, I proclaimed on Twitter that if the Blue Jays won a series at Tropicana Field, I would write a 1,000 word article on a topic of choice. To my surprise, the Blue Jays won their first series in Tampa Bay since 2007. Here is my penance for that bet.
A baseball team is a cast of characters; a mash-up of many different personalities all united for one common goal … and that’s to win.
A television show also is a cast of characters, but in the case of the classic comedy Seinfeld, the goal for its main characters was to cause as much pain and torment as possible.
It’s a given that most of the characters on Seinfeld displayed neurotic tendencies, so I’m not connotating that any of the Blue Jays players are disturbed individuals by any means.
However, but for the purposes of this post, some of the Blue Jays may be linked to people they otherwise have no business being compared to. Evidently, this exercise turned out to be much more difficult than I imagined, so there are a limited number of comparisons.
Jose Bautista as Jerry
Jerry Seinfeld is of course the star of the show “Seinfeld”, and for all intents and purposes, Jose Bautista is the star of the show when it comes to the Toronto Blue Jays. They are both the face of their respective franchises.
Jerry is a comedian by trade, and on occasion, Bautista has also shown that he too has a sense of humour. Despite being kind of self-obsessed, Jerry overall comes off as a likeable guy. Bautista doesn’t come without his faults either, but the fans still love him.
The bottom line is both guys are very good at what they do; Jerry tells jokes, Jose hits home runs. And of course, both can seemingly grow a beard and/or moustache within a matter of mere hours.
Everyone knows that every time you shave, it comes in thicker, fuller and darker.
Brett Lawrie as Kramer
Erratic, overly energetic, unpredictable, at times perhaps a little too “amped up” … sound familiar? I wouldn’t expect Brett Lawrie to come up with any harebrained schemes any time soon, but he and Cosmo Kramer display many of the same personality traits.
At any given moment, Brett Lawrie may have 2-3 Red Bulls coursing through his system, and judging by the way he barges through Jerry’s apartment door, you’d have to assume that Kramer knocks back more than a few Red Bulls himself.
I also considered Jimmy as a potential comparison for Brett Lawrie, as I’m sure he’d likely be the only member on the Blue Jays roster to refer to himself in the third person.
John Gibbons as Mr. Kruger
Aside from the fact that they kind of look the same (and have nearly identical facial expressions above), John Gibbons and Mr. Kruger (the president of Kruger Industrial Smoothing) sort of have identical laxed attitudes when it comes to running a team.
I envision Gibby as a very laid back kind of man, but every so often there’s just something that sets him off like a Roman Candle (see the Ted Lilly and Shea Hillenbrand incidents).
To be honest, I’m not really sure what Kruger Industrial Smoothing does, and in the same sense, the exact duties of a Major League manager aren’t entirely clear either. But when it doubt, just make a sizable donation to the “Human Fund”.
Colby Rasmus as David Puddy
During his time in Toronto, Colby Rasmus has become one of the most beloved Blue Jays players. God love Colby, but he seems like a simple man. Enter David Puddy.
Puddy quickly made his way up the ranks at the dealership as a former grease monkey and found himself high atop the hill as a car salesman. Rasmus also quickly made his way up the ranks as one of the most talented centre fielders in baseball.
We kind also kind of hearken David Puddy’s on-again/off-again relationship with Elaine Benes to Colby Rasmus’ relationship with the Blue Jays. However unlike Puddy and Elaine, I don’t get the sense that Colby and the Blue Jays will eventually be together forever.
Also, through thick and thin, Puddy is a devout New Jersey Devils fan. And though his ride with the Blue Jays has been a bit of a tumultuous one, Colby has remained a “fan” of the Blue Jays (or at least his teammates).
One last thing; Colby Rasmus has an apparent fondness for chicken hot dogs and David Puddy loves himself some Arby’s. Which proves there’s no greater common bond than an affinity for processed meats.
R.A. Dickey as Tim Whatley
R.A. Dickey has a beard. The early incarnations of everybody’s favourite dentist had a beard … that’s about all I’ve got. Except that Whatley has a doctorate in dentistry and Dickey received an honourary degree from the University of Toronto.
Edwin Encarnacion as Keith Hernandez
What a stretch, right? Comparing a baseball player to a baseball player. With Edwin Encarnacion and Keith Hernandez, it isn’t as simple as apples to apples.
Aside from them both being incredible baseball specimens, they actually have much more in common than one would think. Much like Hernandez, Edwin quietly goes about his business in an orderly fashion.
Keith Hernandez might possibly be the most unselfish character in Seinfeld history, and the same redeeming quality goes for Edwin Encarnacion and the Toronto Blue Jays.
Jose Reyes as Bob Cobb AKA “The Maestro”
Admittedly, this is where it starts to be a stretch to find similarities between the Blue Jays and Seinfeld. The Maestro is of course a talented conductor and beyond being an All-Star shortstop, Jose Reyes has a budding music career.
Although his real name is Bob Cobb, everyone is supposed to address him as “The Maestro”. One wonders if that’s the same case with Jose Reyes and his musical persona, “La Melaza”.
Mark Buehrle as Mr. Ross
Not much is really known about the very secretive Henry Ross, but gives the impression that all he really wants is to be left with his thoughts and retreat to his cabin in the woods. The same goes for Mark Buehrle, except he’d bring along his pitbulls.
Munenori Kawasaki as Kenny Bania
Kawasaki as Bania? Hear me out on this one; both clearly aren’t the most talented guys at what they do, but boy do they ever try hard as anybody. Kenny Bania looks up to Jerry as his mentor, and Munenori Kawasaki looks up to … well … everybody.
Sure, they have their faults, but for all that they do, both Bania and Kawasaki are actually pretty likeable people. Their acts may not kill with traditional audiences, but they’re not totally horrible either. Kind of like Ovaltine … or should I say … Roundtine?
J.A. Happ as Milos
The crux of Milos’ character is of course that he’s convinced people he’s very good at something, when he in fact he isn’t. And J.A. Happ? Well …